I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
