Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
