We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
