There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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