If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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