I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
