I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
