i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He told me they were just razor bumps!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
