whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
