but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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