I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
