In America we eat man semen.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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