She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
