I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
