Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
