I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just had sex on a roof
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
