my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
