The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize