It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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