your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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