you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
