I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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