when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
