i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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