My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
