I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
