the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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