You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
