Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
