i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
