don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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