my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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