No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
