he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
