YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
40s are totally the cure
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
