the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
