The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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