I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
