we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
