Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize