i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
