apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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