I'm passing your future prison.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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