i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize