This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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