Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
