Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i will never coherently bang her
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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