I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
