the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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