i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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