On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
