those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
