I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
