Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
