in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize