I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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