the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
