booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
