I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
