I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
