i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
