i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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