THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
