Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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